”Fantasizing me having sex with another man is really sick,

isn’t it? I mean, I’m his wife, for God’s sake.”

ANSWER: Fantasies are the most intimate and personal of sexual issues in couples, even more so than actual behaviors. What we think we might like to do or dream about doing seems to threaten spouses more than what actually takes place. No fantasy is sick; only hurtful behaviors are sick. The fantasy you describe is very common. Even though some couples find this hard to do, you may want to buy a few issues of one of the more explicit sex magazines and read the letters to the editor or other sex letters. As strange and artificial as these letters may seem, you will see that some of them are similar to some of your most forbidden thoughts. Rest assured that someone has already had your fantasy. Blocking fantasy by a spouse only raises anxiety and causes withholding of feelings and private thoughts, both of which block super marital sex. Fantasies are related more to how we learned about sex than they are to our feelings about our partner.

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